March/April, 1997

Volume VII No. I

Did We Mention Our CD is Available? Rough Fish Distribution As the struggling salesman said to me, as I stood in the lot at Lee Allen's Auto Sales in north Minneapolis staring at a huge plywood ice fishing house mounted on an automobile chassis, "Why don't you buy it?" It was the most direct sales question I had ever been asked, and because of that approach, I couldn't answer him. So I bought it. It was my first car, 13 feet high, 8 feet wide and 15 feet long. It had slots cut into the front like a Sherman tank so you could navigate, a 383 Mopar V8, a propane stove and a card table with 3 folding chairs. I'll never forget the first day I drove it to school, Patrick Henry High located at 43rd and Morgan North. A lot of the guys were driving Camaros and Dodge Challengers (the real ones) and it was customary to circle the school (which filled an entire city block) and smoke the tires at each corner. Well I couldn't smoke the tires on my fish house but the babes really dug my ride and soon I was accepted into this elite group of people who burned tread off their tires on a regular basis. Maybe Russian Racehorse is a little bit like that ol' Mille Lacs Mopar, not as sleek as the Camaros and Cudas from October Records and the like, but a unique and charming form of transportation nonetheless. "So why don't you buy it?" Russian Racehorse is available at Best Buys statewide, most metro Indie outfits and just about anywhere you can buy a bong.

Carp 18 1997 Tour Schedule It's time to cut the malarkey about not knowing about our gigs. You're reading it right now, it's called "The Catch O'the Day" not "The Carp of the Whatever," this time we're giving you more than 24 hours notice, and Steve, it ain't a postcard. ·O'Gara's Friday, April 4. With The Billys' set time is 9:00 PM to 9:50 PM. $4 at the door. ·The Entry Thursday, May 15th. Carp 18 CD Release Party (buy it, study it, see how close we get to playing our own stuff note-for-note.) With special guests The Sycamores and Superman Curl. (97% confirmed, keep the 22nd open just in case) · The Foothills Saloon, Backus MN. Sometime in August, stay tuned.

Former President Bush Leaps From Airplane Disassociated Press Fulfilling a promise he had made to himself during WWII, George Bush leapt from the Space Shuttle Columbia on Tuesday. (Joe, check facts before press ­Ed.) As they pried his white-knuckled fingers from the hatch frame, he was heard to be muttering "Not gonna do it...not gonna do it!" Congrats George, you're loonier than Pat Boone!

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Hanna Barbara Introduces New Primetime Sitcom by The TV Companion In an attempt to capitalize on the success of cartoon sitcoms in primetime such as The Simpsons, King of the Hill and The Pauly Shore Show, Hanna Barbara has decided to revive the classic Yogi Bear character but put him into more of a 90's setting. Yogi will leave his former digs of Jellystone Park and relocate to a Manhatten apartment building where he will also practice his routines for his new occupation as a standup comedian. The kicker is...he's a bear! All his material will stem from situations that only a bear would pick up on. Here are some samples, please use the Seinfeld delivery style in your head as you read: "What...is the deal...with...picnic baskets? I mean, who invented these things and why do we use them? Don't you know that bears steal these? Why even take them out to the forest? (Pantomimes making phone call) Yes officer...right, a bear...but it was MY picnic basket...uh-huh, uh-huh...we took it out into the forest...that's right the forest...Hell-o? Hell-o?" Or how about this one: "What...is the deal...with...Smokey the Bear? I mean, a bear wearing a pair of jeans with no shirt. I mean...is that how you humans think of us? I mean come on...you can't even get a Slurpee at the 7-11 unless you're wearing a shirt...who's gonna take environmental advice from a slob like this?" And from the season opener: "So I'm flying from New York to L.A. and the stewardess announces that there's a special meal for Yogi Seinfeld down in the cargo hold. I pop my head down there and don't believe what I see. I come back and tell the stewardess that I ordered Ham on Rye with cabbage and Muenster. She sez...Oh...I thought you said to call BFI so you could rummage through a dumpster!" Boo-Boo will now be known as Boo-Boo Castanza and Mr. Ranger will be known as Cosmo Ranger. Cindy will be, of course, Yogi's ex-girlfriend.

Liner Note Correction from Russian Racehorse Proofreader (back from vacation) It seems that while I was gone at a Botany Convention in Amsterdam, some of the musicians here at Rough Fish Music decided they were qualified to proof the liner notes for Carp 18's fine debut CD Russian Racehorse (available almost everywhere).

Apologies go out to Terry Walsh & 2 AM not Terry Walsh & the 3 AM which is apparently a reflection of the time of night this important work was being done. The Carp 18 organization has been based on perfection for over 6 years and hopes this incident will not tarnish their reputation. Plans are underway to correct the error when the disc goes into its second printing, after the first 35,000 units sell.

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Peter Jennings Teaches America How to Grow Weed TV/Literary/Economics Editor Just as I was finishing Budding Prospects, a most excellent novel by T. Coreghessan Boyle about the trials and tribulations of pot farmers in Northern California, I had pretty much given up my dream to someday work the land as our nation's founders had. I've heard legend of the dynamite weed that Tommy Jefferson once yielded. It is said that once after sampling the last of his stash of '75, all the dudes were just going "Like, where do I sign?" Don't get me wrong, I don't want to deal the stuff, or even smoke it, unless somebody throws on Russian Racehorse by Carp 18 (available at most retail outfits), I just like the way the plants look and am always anxious to learn new things.

So the other night, I'm watching the tube at 9:00 which is a time slot that has been flooded with these Dateline kind of shows. You know the ones, all the sudden there's Sam Donaldson, Katie Couric, Jane Pauley (I've got a thing for her), and the rest. And I'm always, like, "Don't these people ever sleep?" They're up at 4:00 AM Eastern and they're showing up at 9:00 PM Central? Then, it's 2 or 3 in the morning and you're up because you just had a late dinner at the Flameburger after a gig, or you're working on a band newsletter or you set your alarm so you can log onto America Online; anyway you flip on the TV and some big event has occurred, like a Russian submarine was spotted in Lake Huron or the President did the ol' whoaaah off Greg Norman's steps, and there's Tom Brokaw telling you all about it, incredible. They gotta be cloning, that's all there is to it

. So this show I catch is all about growing weed! I tell ya, it should have been hosted by Stone Phillips (I could swear I went to high school with a guy that had that name). Joe, you're taking too long to get to the point here, please rewrite it before we go to press. Also, stop by my office, I want to talk to you about something we found in your locker. ­­ Ed.