"How long has it been since you've seen that cheerful intro? Must mean I'm in a good %@#$+;' mood for once, and, heck, I guess I am. There's plenty to happy about and a lot of Mud Biz to get out of the way so, let's get started.
First of all, but not most importantly, an apology to those readers who use Microsoft Explorer and have been missing all those "blinking text" moments over the last 8 weeks. I'd been making heavy use of them, especially for the etc. and believe me, the Netscape users have been laughing their socks off as they watch that text blink.
2ndly, I have to thank everyone for helping us reach our goal of 100 hits in 4 days. That legally puts this column into "cult status" and I couldn't be more pleased. We've been "common-law cult status" since February but this is the real deal. Monday Mud has finally kicked the ass of the Symbionese Liberation Army 10 times over. Anyway, I've received most of the paperwork including some complex tax forms and a pretty comprehensive questionnaire from the CIA; I guess they already have most of the information from you guys since they can retrieve files from your hard drive while you're surfing the Net and they know "who" hits "which" pages. They just wanted some additional information from me, favorite color, top 10 songs of all time, "Have you, or any of your relatives ever been to Havana?", "Why did you go to China in 1996 and why did you leave the vicinity of Beijing without notifying the US Embassy?", "Why did you make an overnight train run to Amsterdam before you attended the Neil Young concert in Wiesbäden in '82?", that kind of thing.
3rdly, I'm sad to announce that there were no winners in last week's 1st Mudtest. It was an extremely rough quiz and in retrospect I don't think it was very fair so we'll be running a "new & improved" Mudtest in the near future. Also, I'm concerned that the fictitious movies from the contest may someday become actual movies, either by chance or by actual plagiarism from the Rough Fish World Empire. Either way, nobody's getting the Jewel CD, ok?
Most of the guesses were pretty good, Hey Arnold, the Movie; Joan of Arc Lights Up the Dark; Leave it to Beavis; etc. ("etc" sounds better than admitting that only 3 people responded). And it was nice to see what people were wishing were "real" movies like Gilligan's Hell-hole, Bewitched the Groovy Movie, This Old Moon (with a really nasty comment about Bob Villa that I can't even repeat within the decency guidelines of the Monday Mud!). Tops on my personal wish list is Champagne Supernova, that one sounds pretty good. Oh yeah, and I made a mistake on Funny Guy, the 2 actresses were supposed to be Uma Thurman and Janeane Garofalo but I couldn't remember how to spell their names the night I wrote the column. Sure I could have looked them up on the Internet but I've been noticing what rotten spellers they have at the celebrity nude sites.
4thly, I do honor a confidentiality situation if that's kept you from emailing. I've received many comments that I wouldn't mind sharing with our small but lovable cult but I refrain from doing so just in case it may cause public, or should I say, world-wide embarassment. Shit, I don't even use my real name for this column. If, for any reason, you wish to remain anonymous just let me know and you'll have my word as a pseudonym-using columnist that I'll keep it that way (note to self ... call Darrin and find out what his problem is with Bob Villa).
Since it's technically Easter (or it was when I got to work earlier) I thought I'd take it easy and run one of my old cartoon strips from when I was trying to land a syndicated strip back in the early 80's. I figured I shouldn't have to work too hard since I'd devoted most of my weekend to religion and relatives and just ran out of time.
I'd been an "infidel" for so long I was getting spoiled on the good life. Now I find myself trying to nonchalantly slip into a dark corner of the church so I can offer my own kids a chance to rebel too, I can't keep that from them. I considered some alternatives like Buddhism & Episcopalianism but I'm pretty sure somewhere during the course of my upbringing, my genetic code was programmed for the "fish on Fridays' lifestyle so I think I'm pretty much %@#$^$.
So not only has the Vatican dug their satanic claws back into my soul (I suppose that's a little harsh!) but I had to go to a Baptism ceremony at a Lutheran Church last night. Now, I don't know where I got this idea, but I always thought that a Lutheran mass would be like Catholic, except without the magic show. But I was in for a pleasant surprise, maybe because it was Holy Saturday (I'll bet at some point, Robin said that to Batman when they were going out on the town) or maybe this was the usual, but it was really great! There was an unbelievable pagan (people against goodness and normalcy) vibe going and plenty of fire, expressive dance and mysticism. I hadn't been that moved by a church performance since that cathedral scene in Beneath the Planet of the Apes ...
You know, I better stop writing right now. It just dawned on me, if there is a God, and he has Internet access, I'm really screwed. I'm guessing that my Monday night is going to be a heavy rewrite. So ... on with the unused cartoon from the early 80's!
You know it's funny, I sent this strip to all the major syndicates, even the one that carried Garfield, but it was never picked up. When I look at it now after all these years I think I know why .... I couldn't draw hands well!
I almost forgot! The correct answer was "Dudley Do-Right"
Hey! Now We Have Archives!
02/15/99 Orientation
02/22/99 Smoke on the Water, Billy Ocean &
EBay
03/01/99 Dream Weavin', Sgt Snorkel's Secret
Code, Ruby Tuesday's
03/08/99 Styrofoam Circles, Exchanging Coffee
At Lunds, Somewhere on the East Coast
03/15/99 The Never Ending Story Part 1, Corrections
and Influences
03/22/99 The Never Ending Story "Part
Deux"
03/29/99 Summer Movie Preview Contest
Please send any questions, concerns or eternal damnations to carp18@aol.com
Copyright © 1999 Rough Fish World Empire
